Cancer with a pair of slippers!

Today is June 10 - the 162th day of the year. On this day, I had gone to office. On this day, I had gone kickboxing. On this day, I had gone eating at my favourite restaurant. On this day, I had fought with my client over a layout. But never in my life on this day had I ever struggled to wear my footwear. Wearing footwear is such a mundane thing ... I did not even notice the action or gave it any importance. But today, 5 months after my chemotherapy ended I still struggle to wear my slippers. It’s an uphill task to wear my slippers the entire day at the office. I can barely manage to wear my trainers for more than an hour at the gymnasium. I keep staring at the clock while on the treadmill waiting to get off my sneakers. My feet start feeling heavy and funny if I wear them too long. And yes, I can’t wear all types of shoes. Infact, I can't wear any shoes except flipflops and those typical grandmother slippers which fortunately suited my nerve condition.

The nerve condition is called chemotherapy-induced-peripheral-neurology (CIPN). The chemo medicines are so strong that they start affecting the nerves. There was a time keeping balance was a huge problem. I remember falling down because my legs had become very weak to balance the weight of my body. I had to hold someone’s hand or the wall while walking. Wearing my flipflop was a pain. Though the weakness has reduced but the tingling sensation is still very strong – it’s like having pins and needles 24x7. I feel as if a steel plate in stuck at the bottom of my feet forever. As a result, I don’t like the feel of trousers on my legs ... any fabric that touches my leg for a long time makes me feel uncomfortable. Nor can I go for a pedicure ... the feet massage that gave me so much of joy is now a big no-no for me.

Only 2 weeks ago I gave away my Pavers England, Inc 5 and Hush Puppies shoes to an NGO. At least they will make some else feel stylish. It took me more than 5 months to find a decent pair of slippers, from an unassuming shop at Vashi. No footwear in Mumbai would suit me.

Every morning before leaving for work I stare at my feet ... wondering if I can ever wear those block heels anymore. Or for that matter a decent pair of stylish shoes. At times it’s depressing ... but i keep reminding myself that I am still here, and not disappeared. That’s a bigger blessing than any amount of despair.

So once again ... if you want this day to be another beautiful normal day ... then please get your health check up and cancer tests done. Don’t let World Cancer Day happen to you or your near and dear ones. Instead, put on your best shoe and go out and conquer the world.

Raising Funds - cancer treatment of friend's husband

Art for Cancer

A school friend’s husband is suffering from an aggressive form of blood cancer called ‘Diffuse Large B-cell Lymphoma’. He was first detected with DLBCL in April 2015. He underwent blood transfusion, chemotherapy and various other treatments at Vellore. Everything seemed fine until last month when the cancer reared its ugly head once again. This time chemotherapy and stem cell transplant are required as part of the treatment. The total cost of the treatment, according to doctors, is another Rs. 12 lacs!

Rs. 12 lacs is a huge amount for a family (with 2 school going children) whose only bread earner has been hospitalized for the past one year! Cancer dries up your decades of savings, assets, and insurance in no time – financially it’s a huge burden for everyone in the family. Believe me when I say this. My own low-grade cancer has eaten into our retirement fund by 50%!! For my friend’s family the situation is graver – all savings are gone because of the prolonged treatment!

We school friends are trying our best to help our dear friend as much as possible – financially & morally!

I have decided to sell my illustrations and raise funds for the treatment. If you buy anyone of my artworks 100% of the money will be given to my friend for her husband’s cancer treatment. Infact, once you choose to buy any of the artwork then I will request you to transfer the money directly to my friend’s bank account.

I have put a minimum cost on all my art pieces. If you are willing to pay a bit more vs. the quoted price, then we will be elated. The choice is absolutely yours!

We are in a hurry to raise funds, as the treatment needs to start asap.

Hoping you will help me light up not only your walls but also someone’s life with my art!

For more details and any enquires please write to : beercandiaries@gmail.com

BB Flowl

Min price - Rs. 3000.00

Max price - upto the buyer

Frame - orange & white

Size - 9.5 x 8.3 inches (with frame)

BB Flower pattern 1

Min. price - Rs. 4000.00

Max. price - upto the buyer

Frame - black

Size - 12.5 x 9 inches (with frame)

BB bull elephant Min. price - Rs. 3000.00Max price - upto the buyer
Frame - blackSize - 9.8 x 9.3 inches (with frame)

BB upside down monkey

Min. price - Rs. 4,000.00 
Max. price - upto the buyer

Frame - black Size - 11.9 x 9.3 inches (with frame)

BB SE Asian Handfan

Min price - Rs. 2,000.00
Max. price - upto the buyer

Frame - BlackSize - 11 x 10.9 inches

BB Ganesh

Min. price - Rs. 2,500

Max price - upto the buyer

Frame - BlackSize - 11.8 x 10.9 inches

Thanking you & God bless!

Christmas with Access Life!

This year we started out Christmas celebration with a fantastic endeavour. We visited Access Life, an NGO that provides food, shelter and transportation to cancer afflicted children. My friends, Shreya & Star, my mother and I went to Access Life and spend some fun time with the children. We gave them Christmas gifts and brought smiles to their faces.
What surprised me the most was the carefree and exciting faces of the children. They all seemed so happy and thrilled in each other’s company. They were playing around, We could hardly believe that were suffering from cancer. There is so much to learn from these beautiful souls! They make the entire place so happy, positive and entertaining! We just did not feel like leaving the place. The children made our Christmas so special with their positive vibes. May God bless them always.

Access Life has tied up with Tata Memorial Hospital, KEM and Sion Hospital for helping cancer afflicted children. Each time a child and their family travel to Mumbai for treatment the said hospitals gets in touch with Access Life. If there is a bed available then Access Life goes out of their way to help the family. Their mission is to offer home-like environment for family at no-cost. They also try to improve the quality of life of these children by providing practical support services, educational resources, and recreational programmes. There are 8 rooms in total. The rooms and kitchen and very clean, comfortable and the environment is very dignified and happy. We were talking to some of the family members of the children and they were all praises for Access Life.

Packing gifts for the children!

In a country where care for the needy has long been accepted as dismal, Access Life is working to not only fill in a large need gap but also to fundamentally change this mind-set.

That's us, with Star, Shreya, Mom & the children!

In case you want to share your happiness with these children then please feel free to get in touch with Acess Life at:

Acces Life Assistance Foundation,
6 Jolly Chamber Land, CHS Ghatia Village Road, Chembur East, Mumbai 400071

Phone: +91 22 2521 2511

Email: contact@accesslife.org

ICU – Day 2

The second day at the ICU was one of my toughest days of my life. When the physiotherapist tried to make me sit I found it extremely difficult. I took so many things for grunted and today I could not even sit properly nor could I walk. The pain of sitting down brought back many images – how I took my career for grunted and cribbed about the late hours of my work. How would grumble about my paintings taking time to sell. Now sitting at the ICU I wished I could turn back the clock and stopped critiquing simple things in life. The depression just kept getting deeper and deeper. It felt like I was slowly going to hit a wall. A wall that is about to crash my hopes, my dreams and my life!

Dr. Geeta Malkan Billa
Consultant hepathologist 
(liver transplant),
liver transplant physician, 
Gastroenterologist.

My gastroenterologist, Dr Geeta Billa, tried to cheer me up, but the depression kept nagging me. My schoolfriend Jaita Guha, tried to uplift my mood. She had got story books and colouring books for me. But nothing seemed to work. I just wanted to sit properly sans the pain and the discomfort and it just did not happen. After lying down in the ICU bed ,when I closed my eyes but could see nothing. Suddenly the future seemed dark and void of life.

My school friend, Jaita.
She took off from work to make my day!

Thats us, after I visited her after getting discharged from the hospital!

During the shift change I saw nurses and doctors leaving for their home to their loved ones - this depressed me further. Even I wanted to go home to my mom, my family and my friends. But alas!

Dr. Arpita Dwivedy,
ICU head, 
Hiranandani Hospital, Powai

But every tunnel of darkness comes to end. Mine came to an end thanks to my friend Jaita and her brave words and Dr. Arpita, the head of ICU Hiranandani Hospital, Powai. I requested Dr Arpita to recite the Hanuman Chalisa for me. And she did. She recited the Chalisa 2 times for me. I remember shuting my eyes with tears rolling down and hold her hand and listening to the Chalisa. I can never forget this divine experience. After sometime I could see the tall green Hanuman standing behind her with folded hands. Even with my eyes close I could feel His presence. I kept seeing Him even after the doctor left my bedside. It was an experience I could not forget.

Post this I kept dreaming about the good times I had with my friends the parties, the lazy afternoon gossips, office get togethers, time spend at Temple of Miracle (the spiritual space where we mediate with my spiritual gurus, Leesha and Sonu Aunty, and have fun). My strenght was gradually coming back and I started feeling positive again. Jaita’s words – this is just a phase- kept me going. Some friends with their strong warrior attitude make so much of difference in your gloomy moments!

Then came the big news from my onco-surgeon, Dr Mehta. He visited me a night and gave me the best news possible – lets remove your nasal pipe‼ Yipppeee. I could have jumped out of my bed in joy. Initially I requested him to shift me out of the ICU to the hospital room! In his soft spoken and calm voice he said – just 1 or 2 more days and you will be out of here. But after hearing the news of removing the nasal pipe my cribbing vanished and I was all smile and energetic. Suddenly I was in party mode – happy, gay and absolutely blissful!

Dr. Sanket Mehta
Sr Oncology Surgeon

The removal of nasal pipe I thought would be painful. But NO, its not. I felt so liberated, excited and on top of the world. Suddenly Jaita’s word – this is just a phase – made so much of sense. And yes for the next 1 hour, I kept feeling my nose from every angel. It felt overwhelming to get back your nose sans any pipes‼ Never felt so intimate with my nose!

Post this it the recovery happened at a rapid pace!





Learning: What I learned was that there are pockets of darkness everywhere, but there is light too. And I am the light of lights! The light inside us is so bright that it can fade away any dim and gloomy moments in minutes. Just belief in yourself and in God!

Tips: Always share your depression with the doctors. They will help you get over it. Dont hide anything in the ICU. Coz if you hide your depression from the doctors and family members it will suck you to an never ending land. 

Always belief in your Gods, They will deliver you to good health.

Thank you guys for being there for me on my darkest days!

ICU - Day 1

ICU is place where the gravity is very strong – its can suck you in and make you loose hope in no time. Either you come out alive or in form of a dead body. There is no inbetween. Thus keeping a positive attitude in the ICU is crucial and also an uphill task. This is when you need your doctors’, family’s and friends’ support the maximum.

I remember, on my first day, my dear friend, Anuradha was there to visit me at the ICU. She stayed the entire day waiting outside the ICU and came to visit me during the visiting hours. Initially I did not want her to come and visit me at the ICU because I thought she will not be able see me in such a delicate state when there were 7-8 pipes attached to every part of my body – neck, nose, stomach, back & urinary track. But I was mistaken.

Soul sister Anuradha!

I remember her walking into the ICU when the doctor was putting me on ventilator. For a few sceond I could see the shock in her eyes and the tremor in her walk. Its never easy to see your friend in such a state. But within minutes she changed her attitude and put on a brave face. Her face gave me strength. Strength to fight back the depressing atmosphere of the ICU. It was such a relief to see her trying to be her usuall chirpy self. I don’t remember what she was spoke to me. Whatever it was it relaxed me and diverted my mind from the ventilator! My drowsiness, overall weakness & the nose pipe prevented me from making too much conversation with Anuradha. But her presence and smile mattered a lot. What she taught me with her sunshine smile that I was much stronger than my circumstances! I can’t thank her enough for visiting me and giving me the confidence to look forward to a speedy recovery. God bless Anuradha.

Thats us, getting high on life and wine! 

I was given the ventilator because oxygen is the biggest enemy of cancer and also because I was a little breathless.
I was also taking antibiotic drips because early in the morning I had fever with shivers. Thus I was very weak and fragile. I hardly could understand what was happening … the doctors in the ICU kept up my spirit by talking to me and asking me to keep up my life-force and the smile on my face. Their emotional support and positive vibes kept me going.


But the most hilarious incident happened when the onco surgeon visited me at midnight. When I told him I was spitting out saliva constantly he asked me to cough. Coughing after a surgery is painfull. So I faked it. But, alas, I was caught. The next thing I know was the doctor putting his hands on my stomach and asking me to cough. Each time I faked I got caught! The surgeon was in no hurry to leave. So, eventually I HAD to cough‼ :P

I just could not fake my cough1 :P

Tips:
When you are in ICU make sure your loved ones visits you. Their confidence, strength, and positive vibes will help you go through the ordeal in peace. 

Never crib in the ICU. It just pushes you into further depression. Trust the doctors and keep your spirit up. 

ICU – the headquater of Mafia Dons!

After the surgery I was transferred directly to my hospital room. Since all my vital organs were working and my condition was stable I was not put in the ICU!

But this was short lived. I got fever that escalated from 99.3 to 99.8 and then crossed 100. And there were 2 more problems (cant remember them now) which needed ICU care. All these made me land up in the ICU bed in 24 hours of my operation.


Since I could not move they plonked me from the room bed to the ICU bed using a strecher. It felt good … it was fun to change the bed in this way.


Once inside the ICU the doctors and nurses attended to me immediately. Thats when I met the first ‘Don of Hiranandani ICU’ – Dr Deepak Singh. As an ICU doctor he is the best no doubt but … if you don’t listen to him you are gone with the wind‼ Beware!

When my husband, Avik, and my friend, Pooja, entered the ICU they were asked to sign a document, giving their consent to pierce my neck to create the peripheral central line! PIERCE MY NECK‼ NOOOOO! All 3 of us were scared. I could feel the shivers running down my spine.

My husband and friend tried to explain to Dr. Singh if we could skip the neck piercing … but a stern look and some stern words made them sign the document. Horror of horror! In my half sleep state I was winning as to why they agree to the neck piercing. Why? Why? Why?

I wanted to run away but then … I was not mobile. For 5 whole mins I would not let Dr. Singh let me pierce my neck. I wriggled in terror. Then came the scolding of my life … a scolding that fixed my attitude forever. My parents have never shouted so hard on me. ‘We are doctors and you have to trust us! If you don’t you will be in trouble. We will have to pierce your neck whether you like it or not. And we guarantee that it will not hurt. Are you listening? You have to trust us!’ The words may sound normal but the tone was like a mafia don‼ I had no choice but to give in. The mafia don just would not let me go anywhere.



So the neck piercing began … I prayed and prayed … and before I could understand the job was done. I could hardly feel the pain‼ Infact, taking blood is more painful.


Finally I understood what Dr Deepak Singh was telling me. He did his job in a jiffy with such precision and comfort. Today I believe he has got magic in his hands. And he is a magical doctor. He is one of my favourite ‘mafia dons’. May God always bless him.

Next thing I know, the nurses setting up the IV lines and giving me the required medicines. Within an hour 2 of my emergency problems got fixed. Only the fever was now a concern.


Later, one of the trainee nurses were describing how, at government hospitals, peripheral central lines are created. They are done not by experts like Dr. Singh, but by trainee doctors. Who have to pierce more than once to get hold of the nerve at the neck. This goes on for quiet a while and the patient keeps bleeding and baring the pain.

Thank God we had Dr. Singh in my case

I think Dr Singh can fix anything …
You have a mom-in-law problem call Dr Singh.
You have a bad boss, call Dr Singh.
You have road rage problem, call Dr Singh.
You have internet problem, call Dr Singh.
You have maid problem, call Dr Singh.

Cause ‘mafia dons’ can fix everything and anything!

Life is a Festival!

Its festive season in India. Ganpati, Durga Puja, Navratri, Dusshera, Kali Puja, Diwali, Children's Day. I love this part of the year. Festival is like a tool that brings exuberance and excitement in life. I forgot my cancer and focussed on the celebration. Its time to turn up heart and enjoy ... thats exactly what I am doing.

I went pandal hoping for Ganpati and Durga puja. For Diwali I gave lots of alpona (rangoli). And am still giving it. I enjoy myself keeping in mind my restrictions.

Even if you are suffering from any kind of health disorder it cant stop you from enjoying the festivals of life. Just open up your mind and heart. Enjoy!

Durga Puja, my favourite festival!

Kali Puja at Powai!

Children Day's Celebration at Temple of Miracle!