Dealing with cancer patients

'Cancer' is one of the dreaded word in this planet. Its a ‘Stranger’s Disorder’- it happens to others and not to me and my family/friends. That was my perception - until a few months ago! :D

When I first heard the word cancer I was not really terrified, thanks to my doctors. The experts were cool about my cancer, and so I too did not bother much. I even thought that the day after surgery I’ll get to go home! Some optimism!!! 

Also, when you hail from the advertising industry you become a pro in crises management - you have to find a solution and move on. There is nothing called impossible in an ad agency. The teachings always come in handy. Also, as a person … am too high on life to be extra bothered with cancer. Till today I don’t believe that I had cancer. Nor do my mother. She keeps using the word 'tumour' instead of ‘cancer’! And if you insist on using the word cancer she uses her finger to show you how little the cancer was - just like a pinch of salt. :P We have our own little world where cancer does not exist. 

Why this topic? Recently a dear friend’s sister was detected with breast cancer. I could understand her dilemma as to how to handle the C word. Because cancer does not only affect the patient it also spreads its tentacles to the loved ones. Thus I thought of blogging about my experience as to how I and my family/friends handled the C word. 

So here’s some tip on how to handle a cancer patient & how to help a cancer patient to keep a positive attitude: 

• Initial fears for the family : ‘Cancer’ WILL sound deadly to you when you first hear it. It will make you cry because the first thing that hits you is the life span of your loved one who has been diagnosed with it. My husband called up his mom and cried on the phone when he first heard the word. But he never told me about it for a long time. Do not share your fears with the patient. Be brave in front of him/her. You are a big support to him/her. If you break down your patient with further go into depression. This is not good for the patient as it will hinder recovery. 

• Family needs to speak about their fears first to the doctor: Consult the doctor in private, away from the patient, and address your fears/apprehensions/queries. The doctor is the expert and he/she will answer all your questions. Each time a question is answered you get healed, become stronger and empowered with knowledge. 

• Changes in the family: When your loved one is diagnosed with cancer remember that your priorities and routine is going to change. Partying out, going for movies, visiting relatives will take a backseat and the patient and hospital is going to be your priority. Running errands for your patients like buying the grocery, walking the dog, cooking etc will now have to be divided amongst family members and friends. So be ready for this change. Maintain a healthy physical, metal and emotional balance & fitness so that you can deal with your patient. Your health is equally important as your patients.

• Fight cancer with knowledge: Read up on the internet about cancer and the type that your patient has been diagnosed with. In my case, sometimes when  fall I fall in the pit, specially at night, I ask my husband various questions. He has read up on colon cancer, cancer, chemotherapy, medicines etc - so he  fights my depressions with knowledge. The knowledge may not be as through as the doctor’s but it helps you for the time being till you meet the doctor.
• Sites to look up: Johon Hopkins, UCLA Jonsson Comprehensive Cancer Care, American Cancer Society, Harvard Medical, Cancer Research UK, Making Cancer History, MD Anderson Cancer Centre.

•  Watch videos on cancer survivors: I keep watching videos and updates on cancer survivors. They always motivate me to be stronger and keep fighting. If people from the worst stage of cancer can survive and lead a normal life then why cant I? Make your patient watch these videos. Make sure these videos are happy ones, some of them can drain your patient. So screen them first and decide which one is suitable for your patient to watch. Besides videos on cancer survivors I also watch a lot of motivational videos and stand up comedies.

• Let doctors reveal the word cancer to the patient: Its best that doctors reveal the news to your patient. Onco doctors are some of the best human beings - they are sensitive, practical and know how to handle emotional patients. My husband was told not to share the news with me. My gastroenterologist revealed the news to me part by part. Its was like a play with acts and scenes. So when the word cancer finally came to my ears it sounded less dreadful.

• Look for that positive handle: Though the gastroenterologist had revealed cancer to me. But the word really hit me, and hit me hard when I first met the onco surgeon. You don't meet an ONCO surgeon just like that! He/she is not your regular GP. ONCO - its a scary word! The surgeon was very practical - did not mince any words - he used words and phrases like 'malignant', '2nd stage or 3rd stage', 'definitely not stage 1'. I remember I had started crying. But he never let me cry too much. He looked straight into my eyes and said ‘I want you to concentrate on the fact that the cancer has not spread. The rest you leave it to me, I’ll take care of it. Its my guarantee to you.!’ He repeated the word ‘Cancer has not spread’ several times in the conversation. This positive handle helped me remain calm throughout my journey.  Brief your patient before hand to look for a positive handle. The doctors will always give a decisive positive handle to divert the patient’s mind in a positive way. In case he does not, which seldom happens, ASK for one.

Dr. Sanket Mehta,
sr.onco surgeon,
pioneer in HIPEC

• Let the doctors speak with the patient: All my doctors always speak to me directly mostly rather than my husband or mom. Its very important to develop a relationship with your doctors. It makes communication easier- you can easily communicate your fears and apprehensions and the doctors will get a better understanding of you as patient. My relatives never interfered when doctors speak to me directly. This attitude comes handy especially when you are undergoing a surgery. Surgery, I feel, is very personal. Inside the OT its you and your doctor. So the trust needs to be there. I always look directly into the eyes of the doctor when they are speaking … I get a lot of confidence and assurance specially when they are telling something like ‘there is nothing to fear’, ‘you are progressing very well’, ‘we are there for you’! I always recall these precious words and the look of confidence in the doctor’s eyes whenever I feel low. I remember consulting my oncologist and onco surgeon for some pain on my stitches and the operated area. I was really worried and a little petrified. The assurance I got for them made me relaxed and i knew it was just a temporary issue that will disappear once the chemo is over. So break the ice with your doctors - onco doctors are some of the most sensitive and understanding human beings. Always to discuss your deepest fears with them, they will guide you on the right path.

Dr.Ashish Bakshi,
Medical oncologist

• Listen to your doctors: I always listen to my doctors and follow their advice. I never deviate from their instructions. If I have any query I always ask the doctor for their advice. I don’t experiment. Cancer is not just another viral fever, its a serious disorder. It can make you disappear anytime if you deviate from the path even a bit. My friend's uncle refused chemo when his cancer was at a curable stage. He had read some articles on the net where it was claimed that chemo is not necessary these days. Within a year his cancer spread to every part of his body and no medical science could help him. He had to succumb to death. So, please do not experiment, listen to the expert and follow their advice to the tee.

Dr. Geeta Malkan Billa,
Hepatology, liver transplant,
gastroenterology

• Listen to the patient: Patients always want to talk and express their fear and anger on the loved ones. In such a time you must always listen. Remember that the anger is not directed towards you - since you are a trusted person thus the patient is expressing his anger and frustration on you. Please don’t fight back. Just listen. I remember having having a scrap with my husband after the surgery and he reacted by going home and not staying in the hospital with me that night. It surely did not feel good at all.

• Surround yourself with positive people: The moment i got admitted in the hospital I called up friends. I realised that I for this journey I needed my friends. They were always there for me. As a group we never cried or felt low. My friends made sure that I was normal- they would gossip, laugh and talk with me as if they have come to spend the day at my place, instead of the hospital.

• Have faith In Yourself: I always have faith in myself. if I can survive living in Mumbai all by myself for 6 years than why can’t I survive cancer? If i can survive and excel in corporate why can’t I survive cancer? I keep reminding myself of the tough times I faced in my career, relationship, road, etc and excelled. Its a fantastic feeling to remind yourself of the victories and achievements in your life. And I always believed that 'nothing can steal my life from me.' Period.

I always choose the front row!

• Have faith in God: If God gives you a problem he also gives you a solution. Look for that solution - leave no stone unturned. You will find the the solution. Speak to your God. I remember speaking with my Gods, after my first consultation with the ocno surgeon. I was angry that He put in such an unwanted situation. A situation I dod not deserve. I expressed my anger and told HIM to get me out this situation. My prayers were answered. Also, being a Reiki channel I did some self healing too. My reiki friends gave me distant Reiki which helped a lot. 

My fav! First I got angry on HIM.
Then I told HIM to heal me!
HE listened!

• Share your experience:  Some people find it strange that I am so open about my disorder and share my experience so frankly. I look at it this way … if I were stuck in a traffic jam I would immediately call up my friends to avoid that particular route. We all do this. So why not warn them about something as serious as cancer??? Create awareness, you owe it to your family, friends, society, Also, sharing is a cathartic experience. It helps me heal, keeps me busy, helps me fight cancer with knowledge and keeps me away from depressions. I also get to talk nto people who have had a similar journey - road accidents, fighting cancer in a foreign country all alone, over comming cancers etc. They inspire me to fight harder!

• Also, be a little mad. Its okay to have a melt down at times ... just laugh it out. 

Nanny Angel Network – by Kathleen Hoffman

For sometime I have been part of this international community on Facebook called ‘Colon Cancer Awareness’. They share many articles of the topic that are not only informative but also inspiring. One of the posts was on an NGO called  Nanny Angle Networks. Since 2008, NAN has supported families, in Canada, by providing free, professional relief childcare to mother during their cancer journey. In 2013, NAN expanded services to include bereavement care for children who have lost their mothers to cancer.

I wanted to share this article on my blog because we often treat cancer patients either with pity & panic or just shun them because they are from the lower income group (as mentioned in my earlier post called  ‘Childhood Cancer-lets show them our hearts’). Support and care very important for any cancer patient. I hope this article inspires all of us to change our attitude towards dealing with cancer and cancer conquerors. 

The article is written by Kathleen Hoffman

Nanny Angel Networks Provides Free Child Care for Cancer Patients – by Kathleen Hoffman

“Love and compassion are necessities, not luxuries. Without them humanity cannot survive.” – Dalai Lama

In 2008, Audrey Guth, mother and president of Diamond Personnel, a nanny placement agency in Toronto Canada, arrived at the hospital for breast cancer chemotherapy. She saw mother receiving chemotherapy infusions holding “really young children … on their laps”

Growing up fast

Memories neglected for years came rushing back. When Audrey was 9, she “sat for hours, unsupervised in a waiting room surrounded by … cancer patients …” She accompanied her 34 year old father to Solan Kettering Hospital where he received treatment for renal cancer. “I remember tubes, bald heads, emaciated bodies … scary and haunting place to take a young child, but … my mother had no choice. She had three even younger to look after at home … So for …3years, I was my father’s only companion during his treatment … and I had to grow up very, very fast.

Childcare and Cancer Treatment

Years later, these memories moved her to examine childcare and chemotherapy. She found that little had changed since her girlhood. Few hospitals or healthcare centers provided childcare. Since childcare was too expensive for families dealing with medical bills, some moms even missed cancer treatments and appointments. “These women couldn’t dream of having nannies and yet, they were the ones that needed them the most,” she said in a 2014 CNN Hero interview.

An Award Winning Idea: Nanny Angel Network

With her expertise in nanny placement, Audrey set out to make a difference. She started Nanny Angel Network (NAN) that same year. Since 2010, NAN has provided 5,568 hours of services and 1,392 visits to 377 children.

Although this a volunteer organization, these are no ordinary volunteers. She’s assembled volunteers who are teachers, nannies, nurses, and elderly childhood educators. Many are cancer survivors.

When Audrey was 12, her father died. “At that time no one talked to children about cancer. We were left alone with our grief and … those frightening recollections of hospitals and illness  found a permanent hiding place in my mind.” For this reason, Nanny Angels receive specialized training in understanding bereavement and grief. “These children dealing with loss. The loss of a healthy mother,” Ashley Ashbee, NAN’s social media manager explained. The training also includes basics about cancer treatment and recovery and about psychological and emotional toll that cancer has on families.

Nanny Angel Network provides free childcare for cancer patients

Providing families in crisis sensitivity, respect and understanding is what NAN is all about. The service is free to patients in treatment and available to those who are in need of relief for palliative care or bereavement. Nannies come to the house in pink uniforms with big green ‘Mary Poppins’ bags filled with activities and fun.

As Audrey stated in her CNN Hero interview,  “Mothers who are diagnosed with cancer are the caregivers who suddenly themselves in need of care … Our program allows mothers the freedom to take rest because that’s what they need most to get better. What we won’t take away their illness but it will certainly make their journey a lot easier.”

Contact details of NAN 
Website - http://nannyangelnetwork.com/

Head Office:
Nanny Angel Network
1000, Sheppard Avenue, West Suit 100,
Toronto, Ontario M3H 2T6

Audrey Guth
Founder, Executive Director
a.guth@nannyangelnetwork.com

About the writer Kathleen Hoffman

Kathleen Hoffman, PhD, is a communication professional and writer providing social media guidance to physicians and other professionals. As a professional writer and communicator of nearly 2 decade, Kathleen is a leader in the movement of healthcare empowerment for both the patient and the provider. Through her innovative and personal interactions with healthcare consumers and providers, she focuses on the human side of healthcare. Her social media presence includes Medivizor blog, which focuses on chronic conditions that patients experiences; the Health Communication, Health Literacy and Social Sciences tweetchat on Twitter (#HCHLITSS); healthcare practice communities on LinkedIn; and healthcare focus sites and pages on Stumble Upon, Tumblr, G+ and Facebook. 

Website - http://kdhealthcomm.wordpress.com/

Its Cancer - So?

People often ask me as to how do I keep a courageous and cheery face and go clubbing  and keep partying in my journey with cancer. This always takes me by surprise. I keep wondering as to what is there to be so depressed about. I mean, we all face delirious situations everyday – be it at work, relationships, road, home etc. So why blow healthcare out of proportion? The C word is definitely not the death sentence. Get up and kick ass. Period. Today medical science has progressed so much that doctors can actually pull you out of deathbed. Just trust them!

My biggest strength is my doctors. Right from the time I first met the gastroenterologist I have always trusted her and knew that she will help me in every way possible. When the C word was first broken to my husband at 9:45am the doctor gave him a lot of emotional support! At 9:45am when friends are on their way to work & with families away in Kolkata the C word suddenly makes you feel numb and traumatised. Fear, sorrow and anguish takes over you for sometime. It’s only the doctor and you. Thats when you need to talk to the doctor about your worries and listen to him/her. Fight the fear with knowledge. In our case the sweet doctor kept on saying to my husband ‘Don’t worry, we are there for you. Nothing will happen to Debjani!’ She held our hands tight, real tight, and never let it go. Never!

There are times I felt the pressure but doctors just wont leave me for my own good! I remember I wanted to run away from the ICU … I used to pester my doctors … but none of them listened … they just would not let me go! I threw tantrums, howled, stopped talking (which is very very unlike me!! I even jabbered inside the operation theatre. ) and showed my temper – nothing ever worked! They kept saying that in ICU the doctors and nurses would tend to me immediately unlike in the room! But those words did not make sense at that time. I just wanted to get out of the sunshine less ICU. I wanted to be with my family & friends and not with solemn patients around me. Since I was not mobile I could not even run away! :P

Then came the soft-spoken ever-smiling onco-surgeon. He is our biggest support. Every time I meet him he always says – nothing to worry! Everything is all right! This assurance always makes me high on life! Even when he came out of the OT to meet my husband, he had this big smile on his face saying I am going to be all right. There is nothing to worry. We always trust him and that makes the journey so peaceful and beautiful for us! May God always bless this awesome soul! Can’t thank him enough.

I also made it a point to celebrate each time I got good news. Immediately after the surgery movement was an issue. It stopped me from dancing and prancing around.  So each time I would get a good news I would show the thumps up signal to my docs and do a small jig with my hands and keep smiling & smiling & smiling. It just felt awesome to know that I was progressing very well. It felt like I was scoring a first class degree from the stingy Calcutta University. If you are from Kolkata you will know how tough it is to get marks from that dilapidated Darbanga building‼ Its an extraordinary experience to beat Cancer in every step – can’t explain in words!

Then there is my oncologist who told me, in my first consultation, that if Barrack Obama had the same condition like mine he would have go the similar adjuvant chemo treatment‼ I could almost envisaged Obama walking into his chamber with is newfound best friend Modi and smiling at us! I wanted to laugh out loud but then I muted myself. The oncologist gave a full download of how the chemotherapy will be done and assured me that its going to be a smooth process. Today, after under going 7 sessions of chemo, most of my conversations with the oncologist are around my diet, my art, music and our common fondness for the brand Apple.  The reports are so good that we seldom have to discuss them in details. I always believed that Cancer is not my headache ... its the doctor's! They are the experts ... so let them fix it. Why take senseless tension. I concentrated on Katty Perry's 'Firework'/Bollywood gossips/watched movies/ call up friends and gossip/cook exotic food for friends when they come over for a house party.

During my 2^nd chemo when I had gone to the hospital for a blood check up and the nurse at the technical room recognized me. We started laughing and shared our old jokes. When I was hopitalised she would come everyday to take my blood for various reports. I used to share jokes with her then and make her laugh. We started recollecting those days and laughing out loud, much to the annoyance of the other patient who too had come for some blood test! Laughter makes such a difference in life. 

Doctors and nurses are fun provided you are looking at the bright side. I always enjoy visiting my doctors because they boost my confidence and encourage me to lead a normal life! They never treat me like a cancer patient nor my family  or me have pity on me. Infact, we have pity on Cancer for loosing the battle. 

In case you are battling cancer or any other difficult situation ... just walk on the wild side and laugh out loud and party hard. After all life is fun. Lets enjoy it. Even, if you think, life is full of s&#%,  just enjoy like Brad Pitt and celebrate! 

Thats all for today. Time to watch some stand up comedy videos on youtube.