Today is June 10 - the 162th day of the year. On this day, I had gone to office. On this day, I had gone kickboxing. On this day, I had gone eating at my favourite restaurant. On this day, I had fought with my client over a layout. But never in my life on this day had I ever struggled to wear my footwear. Wearing footwear is such a mundane thing ... I did not even notice the action or gave it any importance. But today, 5 months after my chemotherapy ended I still struggle to wear my slippers. It’s an uphill task to wear my slippers the entire day at the office. I can barely manage to wear my trainers for more than an hour at the gymnasium. I keep staring at the clock while on the treadmill waiting to get off my sneakers. My feet start feeling heavy and funny if I wear them too long. And yes, I can’t wear all types of shoes. Infact, I can't wear any shoes except flipflops and those typical grandmother slippers which fortunately suited my nerve condition.
The nerve condition is called chemotherapy-induced-peripheral-neurology (CIPN). The chemo medicines are so strong that they start affecting the nerves. There was a time keeping balance was a huge problem. I remember falling down because my legs had become very weak to balance the weight of my body. I had to hold someone’s hand or the wall while walking. Wearing my flipflop was a pain. Though the weakness has reduced but the tingling sensation is still very strong – it’s like having pins and needles 24x7. I feel as if a steel plate in stuck at the bottom of my feet forever. As a result, I don’t like the feel of trousers on my legs ... any fabric that touches my leg for a long time makes me feel uncomfortable. Nor can I go for a pedicure ... the feet massage that gave me so much of joy is now a big no-no for me.
Only 2 weeks ago I gave away my Pavers England, Inc 5 and Hush Puppies shoes to an NGO. At least they will make some else feel stylish. It took me more than 5 months to find a decent pair of slippers, from an unassuming shop at Vashi. No footwear in Mumbai would suit me.
Every morning before leaving for work I stare at my feet ... wondering if I can ever wear those block heels anymore. Or for that matter a decent pair of stylish shoes. At times it’s depressing ... but i keep reminding myself that I am still here, and not disappeared. That’s a bigger blessing than any amount of despair.
So once again ... if you want this day to be another beautiful normal day ... then please get your health check up and cancer tests done. Don’t let World Cancer Day happen to you or your near and dear ones. Instead, put on your best shoe and go out and conquer the world.
