Dealing with cancer patients

'Cancer' is one of the dreaded word in this planet. Its a ‘Stranger’s Disorder’- it happens to others and not to me and my family/friends. That was my perception - until a few months ago! :D

When I first heard the word cancer I was not really terrified, thanks to my doctors. The experts were cool about my cancer, and so I too did not bother much. I even thought that the day after surgery I’ll get to go home! Some optimism!!! 

Also, when you hail from the advertising industry you become a pro in crises management - you have to find a solution and move on. There is nothing called impossible in an ad agency. The teachings always come in handy. Also, as a person … am too high on life to be extra bothered with cancer. Till today I don’t believe that I had cancer. Nor do my mother. She keeps using the word 'tumour' instead of ‘cancer’! And if you insist on using the word cancer she uses her finger to show you how little the cancer was - just like a pinch of salt. :P We have our own little world where cancer does not exist. 

Why this topic? Recently a dear friend’s sister was detected with breast cancer. I could understand her dilemma as to how to handle the C word. Because cancer does not only affect the patient it also spreads its tentacles to the loved ones. Thus I thought of blogging about my experience as to how I and my family/friends handled the C word. 

So here’s some tip on how to handle a cancer patient & how to help a cancer patient to keep a positive attitude: 

• Initial fears for the family : ‘Cancer’ WILL sound deadly to you when you first hear it. It will make you cry because the first thing that hits you is the life span of your loved one who has been diagnosed with it. My husband called up his mom and cried on the phone when he first heard the word. But he never told me about it for a long time. Do not share your fears with the patient. Be brave in front of him/her. You are a big support to him/her. If you break down your patient with further go into depression. This is not good for the patient as it will hinder recovery. 

• Family needs to speak about their fears first to the doctor: Consult the doctor in private, away from the patient, and address your fears/apprehensions/queries. The doctor is the expert and he/she will answer all your questions. Each time a question is answered you get healed, become stronger and empowered with knowledge. 

• Changes in the family: When your loved one is diagnosed with cancer remember that your priorities and routine is going to change. Partying out, going for movies, visiting relatives will take a backseat and the patient and hospital is going to be your priority. Running errands for your patients like buying the grocery, walking the dog, cooking etc will now have to be divided amongst family members and friends. So be ready for this change. Maintain a healthy physical, metal and emotional balance & fitness so that you can deal with your patient. Your health is equally important as your patients.

• Fight cancer with knowledge: Read up on the internet about cancer and the type that your patient has been diagnosed with. In my case, sometimes when  fall I fall in the pit, specially at night, I ask my husband various questions. He has read up on colon cancer, cancer, chemotherapy, medicines etc - so he  fights my depressions with knowledge. The knowledge may not be as through as the doctor’s but it helps you for the time being till you meet the doctor.
• Sites to look up: Johon Hopkins, UCLA Jonsson Comprehensive Cancer Care, American Cancer Society, Harvard Medical, Cancer Research UK, Making Cancer History, MD Anderson Cancer Centre.

•  Watch videos on cancer survivors: I keep watching videos and updates on cancer survivors. They always motivate me to be stronger and keep fighting. If people from the worst stage of cancer can survive and lead a normal life then why cant I? Make your patient watch these videos. Make sure these videos are happy ones, some of them can drain your patient. So screen them first and decide which one is suitable for your patient to watch. Besides videos on cancer survivors I also watch a lot of motivational videos and stand up comedies.

• Let doctors reveal the word cancer to the patient: Its best that doctors reveal the news to your patient. Onco doctors are some of the best human beings - they are sensitive, practical and know how to handle emotional patients. My husband was told not to share the news with me. My gastroenterologist revealed the news to me part by part. Its was like a play with acts and scenes. So when the word cancer finally came to my ears it sounded less dreadful.

• Look for that positive handle: Though the gastroenterologist had revealed cancer to me. But the word really hit me, and hit me hard when I first met the onco surgeon. You don't meet an ONCO surgeon just like that! He/she is not your regular GP. ONCO - its a scary word! The surgeon was very practical - did not mince any words - he used words and phrases like 'malignant', '2nd stage or 3rd stage', 'definitely not stage 1'. I remember I had started crying. But he never let me cry too much. He looked straight into my eyes and said ‘I want you to concentrate on the fact that the cancer has not spread. The rest you leave it to me, I’ll take care of it. Its my guarantee to you.!’ He repeated the word ‘Cancer has not spread’ several times in the conversation. This positive handle helped me remain calm throughout my journey.  Brief your patient before hand to look for a positive handle. The doctors will always give a decisive positive handle to divert the patient’s mind in a positive way. In case he does not, which seldom happens, ASK for one.

Dr. Sanket Mehta,
sr.onco surgeon,
pioneer in HIPEC

• Let the doctors speak with the patient: All my doctors always speak to me directly mostly rather than my husband or mom. Its very important to develop a relationship with your doctors. It makes communication easier- you can easily communicate your fears and apprehensions and the doctors will get a better understanding of you as patient. My relatives never interfered when doctors speak to me directly. This attitude comes handy especially when you are undergoing a surgery. Surgery, I feel, is very personal. Inside the OT its you and your doctor. So the trust needs to be there. I always look directly into the eyes of the doctor when they are speaking … I get a lot of confidence and assurance specially when they are telling something like ‘there is nothing to fear’, ‘you are progressing very well’, ‘we are there for you’! I always recall these precious words and the look of confidence in the doctor’s eyes whenever I feel low. I remember consulting my oncologist and onco surgeon for some pain on my stitches and the operated area. I was really worried and a little petrified. The assurance I got for them made me relaxed and i knew it was just a temporary issue that will disappear once the chemo is over. So break the ice with your doctors - onco doctors are some of the most sensitive and understanding human beings. Always to discuss your deepest fears with them, they will guide you on the right path.

Dr.Ashish Bakshi,
Medical oncologist

• Listen to your doctors: I always listen to my doctors and follow their advice. I never deviate from their instructions. If I have any query I always ask the doctor for their advice. I don’t experiment. Cancer is not just another viral fever, its a serious disorder. It can make you disappear anytime if you deviate from the path even a bit. My friend's uncle refused chemo when his cancer was at a curable stage. He had read some articles on the net where it was claimed that chemo is not necessary these days. Within a year his cancer spread to every part of his body and no medical science could help him. He had to succumb to death. So, please do not experiment, listen to the expert and follow their advice to the tee.

Dr. Geeta Malkan Billa,
Hepatology, liver transplant,
gastroenterology

• Listen to the patient: Patients always want to talk and express their fear and anger on the loved ones. In such a time you must always listen. Remember that the anger is not directed towards you - since you are a trusted person thus the patient is expressing his anger and frustration on you. Please don’t fight back. Just listen. I remember having having a scrap with my husband after the surgery and he reacted by going home and not staying in the hospital with me that night. It surely did not feel good at all.

• Surround yourself with positive people: The moment i got admitted in the hospital I called up friends. I realised that I for this journey I needed my friends. They were always there for me. As a group we never cried or felt low. My friends made sure that I was normal- they would gossip, laugh and talk with me as if they have come to spend the day at my place, instead of the hospital.

• Have faith In Yourself: I always have faith in myself. if I can survive living in Mumbai all by myself for 6 years than why can’t I survive cancer? If i can survive and excel in corporate why can’t I survive cancer? I keep reminding myself of the tough times I faced in my career, relationship, road, etc and excelled. Its a fantastic feeling to remind yourself of the victories and achievements in your life. And I always believed that 'nothing can steal my life from me.' Period.

I always choose the front row!

• Have faith in God: If God gives you a problem he also gives you a solution. Look for that solution - leave no stone unturned. You will find the the solution. Speak to your God. I remember speaking with my Gods, after my first consultation with the ocno surgeon. I was angry that He put in such an unwanted situation. A situation I dod not deserve. I expressed my anger and told HIM to get me out this situation. My prayers were answered. Also, being a Reiki channel I did some self healing too. My reiki friends gave me distant Reiki which helped a lot. 

My fav! First I got angry on HIM.
Then I told HIM to heal me!
HE listened!

• Share your experience:  Some people find it strange that I am so open about my disorder and share my experience so frankly. I look at it this way … if I were stuck in a traffic jam I would immediately call up my friends to avoid that particular route. We all do this. So why not warn them about something as serious as cancer??? Create awareness, you owe it to your family, friends, society, Also, sharing is a cathartic experience. It helps me heal, keeps me busy, helps me fight cancer with knowledge and keeps me away from depressions. I also get to talk nto people who have had a similar journey - road accidents, fighting cancer in a foreign country all alone, over comming cancers etc. They inspire me to fight harder!

• Also, be a little mad. Its okay to have a melt down at times ... just laugh it out.